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SEX & HEALTH

10 Tips you need to know from a lesbian

Ok, “dudes”, listen up, I’m going to give you some pointers. Why am I helping you out? Because I’m tired of hearing all my straight girlfriends complain about how they want to be with a girl because men suck in bed and don’t PAY ATTENTION to what turns them on. And, news flash, fellas – what turns them on is beyond the bedroom.
10 Tips you need to know from a lesbian
10 Tips you need to know from a lesbian
‘You will be amazed on how many women your one woman can be.’

Gallery

 
NOW DON’T GET your panties in a bunch – it’s only your ego. And if you’re reading this and rolling your eyes and telling me to fuck off, then you’re the one who definitely needs to read this article.

Artwork by Mika Mae Jones exclusively for Hegre.com.

1. Pay Attention!

For fuck’s sake, pay attention! Can you not chew gum and walk at the same time, too? If you hear her breathing getting heavier, faster, or if she starts to giggle, or starts to squirm or twitch – keep doing what ever it is you are doing!

2. Lesbians know how to use their fingers

If you’re going to use your fingers, for fuck’s sake, don’t make her feel like she is getting molested. Think of your fingers as your penis, or maybe not… Bottom line, don’t just “finger her, dude” – caress her vagina, slip your fingers in and out, don’t shove them in and out. Spend some time in there, gently massage the insides and get a little faster as you see her get worked up – PAY ATTENTION to her reaction and finger it out.

3. Fucking starts in the morning

As much as you don’t want to hear this, it’s a must if you want to have those spontaneous quickies and weekends filled with sex. What this means, essentially, is do everything you see in the chic flicks she watches, and you loathe. You’re going to have to do things like, kiss her on her forhead before you get out of bed, take out the trash before she has to ask, pour her a glass of wine when getting yourself a beer - you get the fucking point. If you make efforts like these, your masturbating days are over. She will be so fucking happy, your dick will be her joystick.

4. Don’t use her tits as handles!

Really? I mean come on. You spend all day staring at her breasts like they’re made out of gold then you’re going to treat them like your bike handles when you actually get the privilege to touch them? Either learn to ride with no hands or learn how to handle her breasts. Caress them, tease them, pinch her nipples, spank them even – just don’t grab on for dear life as if it’s your first rodeo. Not sexy!

5. Stop being selfish – her first you last!

This is the biggest complaint I hear, and I have yet to understand it. It’s a no brainer, really. She WILL notice if you are putting in effort to be there to actually have sex with her, not yourself. In turn, she will put in even more effort, and in turn you will then put in more effort, then she will, then you will until it becomes one big explosion of fuck.

6. Do more than one thing at a time

This is NOT that hard. Think: chewing gum and walking at the same time… Explore her body with your hands while your penis is having a date with her vagina. Firmly grab her hips and give a little squeeze, bring her leg up to your face so you can kiss her long legs and caress them, something, anything just as long as it’s more than just sticking it in and out while you have two free hands! I mean, are you gay? Why would you not take advantage of being inside her and being able to touch her body at the same time?

7. Hygiene

If you think this doesn’t matter, think again. I can’t tell you how many times I have been attacked because I “smelled good”, or right after I got out of the shower because I was “so clean”. You want to get laid? Manscape, man! Take a fucking shower! How many times does the old saying have to be said – it’s the little things… that get you laid.

8. Find her clitoris and show it some love

It’s easy to find and easy to please, so why is this an issue I hear about so often…? Well, if, and when you do find it – be gentle. Start out by lightly massaging it, add a little pressure, move your fingers faster. If you do it just right, you’ll actually find that it feels so good she can barely stand it. And by that time, she’ll just want you to fuck her hard and fast – so the two minutes you do last will be perfect.

9. Be more adventurous

This does not include sticking it in her ass - adventurous also means creative. PAY ATTENTION to whether she has mentioned wanting to try something new. Surprise her by making a sly move while at dinner. Get the OhMiBod app and tickle her while talking and sipping on drinks. Whatever it is, just be adventurous – trust me, she’ll appreciate it – and she’ll prove it!

10. Lick it like a lollipop and lap it like a dog

Nope, it’s not one or the other – it’s both! Start out licking it like a lollipop: take nice long licks, twirl your tongue on her clit, suck her clit, give it a little nibble, hold it with your teeth while your tongue gives it a few more lickings. As she’s close to climaxing and pushing your head away from so much pleasure, start lapping her clitoris and entire vagina like a thirsty dog that can’t get enough water - that look in her eyes that you’ve never seen before, is a combination of “Who the fuck are you?” “You must be god sent” and “I am going to fuck you to the point of no return.”

So, if you want to keep those calluses on your hands, keep lying to yourself about why no woman will sleep with you more than once, and keep blaming her instead of fixing the real problem – you – then keep doing what you’re doing. If you want to not only get laid, but get your world FUCKED, follow the steps above. You will be amazed on how many women your one woman can be. She will fuck you like your whore, have sex with you like your mistress, and make love to you like your wife depending on how well you have been PAYING ATTENTION.

Artwork by Mika Mae Jones exclusively for Hegre.com.

Comments

For your convenience some comments has been automatically translated to your language of choice. Click "SHOW ORIGINAL TEXT" on the auto translated comments to read the original.

5838
PREMIUM Member
The fact that one human being is trying to help give another pleasure is a gift and is always a beautiful thing. Thanks!
4333
PREMIUM Member
I don't like how disrespectful the author is toward men. Men are not dumb. Women are just difficult. Women want all this special treatment and attentiveness but won't give you an actual reason to do it. Women as a body just aren't very exciting once you learn how manipulative, disrespectful, passive aggressive, domineering, and adulterous they really are. Alot of men don't do these things because they lack interest, and for good reason. It's not like women just say what they want, they want you to read their minds and that fuels the problem.
3
5327
PREMIUM Member
got it just need to practice
8986
PREMIUM Member
Yes, this all works much better....yes!
9119d96e269fe1fb902a-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
noted!
1
7685
PREMIUM Member
Awesome advice thank you
4063
PREMIUM Member
lovely
8310c02328002be06a0e-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
Thank you for your time and input, some of these things listed I already perform for my lover, other things are interesting and much appreciated input, Always Learing...my motto.
1
331
PREMIUM Member
rather condescending and opinionated. Not sure if this was meant to be comical, but I think not. It's time to stop assuming that all men are only interested in themselves and that we are selfish. Stop the assumption that we don't know what we're doing.
6 2
1281
PREMIUM Member
Agreed, I found this to be prettying rude. I mean think about it. A person reading these articles are the exact men and or women that would be trying to learn how to please their woman. NOT think of their selves. so why shame these guys for something they are clearly not. Or else, why would they be reading an article about how to do better if they done care
1 1
7399
PREMIUM Member
Any thoughts on the vast number of women that don't have a clue how to treat a guy in bed?
3 1
7989
PREMIUM Member
Those guys you mention who are not being serviced properly maybe need to guide and teach their partners on what feels nice and turns them on. Any communication in that direction opens doors to even more meaningful love making and connection.
7155
PREMIUM Member
When fingering her she complains of pain each time you do it what could be wrong or should one do?
7989
PREMIUM Member
Whole body stimulation until your finger(s) are required is my advice! You want your attention (digits in this case) to be saught by your partner rather than your digits doing the seeking. This is very specific and kinda difficult to provide a perfect roadmap. All part of exploring as emotional/physical/spiritual intimacy develops.
8545
PREMIUM Member
Thank you. Can you help me practice?
2
7754
PREMIUM Member
great, i hear it often on how people have been treated-give and get back it works with most-not all
2
C4e26fdfcdb2de57a541-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
I've been a man all my life, and sadly spent many years squarely within those "c'mon dude!" categories of men so hilariously identified by Nicolle in this article. Her brash candor reminds me of my favorite bartender...makes me smile just thinking about the many straight shots of female wisdom she gave me over the years, chased down with much laughter and lessons learned. Anyway, the points made by the author are in fact well taken, even if a more appropriate readship might have been persons on other types of websites. I suspect that most of us on this site probably have a more refined sensibility and attentiveness to our partners.
5
6951
PREMIUM Member
Erm, no.
2
1327
PREMIUM Member
Oh, what a great way to help men become better in bed, with arrogant judgemental remarks in every tip informing them how clueless and worthless they already are. That will do wonders with the readers self esteem for sure. What a great "educational" article...
7 2
Caeb798e556664b42284-avatar-image-100x
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
Well, it says "from a lesbian" that does not equate to 'man lover' I'm guessing she's a butch who would just as well kick a mans ass as talk to one.
2 2
4490
PREMIUM Member
I found it humorous and appropriate though. The guys who read this likely already do these things and maybe picked up on a tip or two and take no harsh feelings bc they are confidently pleasing their woman already.. the guys who would get offended are the ones NOT reading this bc they don't invest the time or have the interest and that's why they suck dick at eating pussy and taking care of their girl. This article is to help the guys who don't need much help.. no one else will ever see it anyways.
5
9900
PREMIUM Member
even the snotty, arrogant (men can't do anything anyway) command tone. how i love this cliché life .. these are not tips. this is just a mixture of your bad experiences with men .. which you surely have. you can hardly hold back your contempt. really beautiful cliché lesbians their self-hatred on men, projected, or what? or was that just fun? well, then from me too * satir, satir *
schon der patzige, arrogante(männer können eh nichts) befehlston. wie ich diese klischeeleben liebe.. das sind keine tipps. das ist nur eine mischung deiner schlechten erfarungen mit männern.. die du ja sicher hast. du kannst deine verachtung ja kaum zurückhalten. so richtig schöne klischeelesbe ihren xselbsthass auf männer, projeziert, oder wie?oder war das nur spaß? na, dann von mir auch *satir, satir*
3 2
2070
PREMIUM Member
I admire every woman who is open to her lesbian tendencies. I've had a girlfriend for years who is 99% lesbian and 1% bi. And I consider myself lucky to be able to live out this one% with her. It dwarfs all of my heterosexual experiences with so-called 'normal women'. She is a wonderful lover and we get along great. So dear lesbian ladies, stand by it and don't let stupid comments or whatever maneuver you offside. Cheer up, because everything is coming out well and for you it's a real release. Easter buck from Switzerland
Ich bewundere jede Frau die offen zu ihren lesbischen Neigungen steht. Ich habe seit Jahren eine Freundin, die zu 99% lesbisch und zu 1% Bi ist. Und ich schätze mich glücklich, diesen einen % mit ihr ausleben zu dürfen. Sie stellt alle meine heterosexuellen Erfahrungen mit so genannten 'normalen Frauen' in den Schatten. Sie ist eine wunderbare Geliebte und wir verstehen uns blendend. Also liebe lesbische Damen, steht dazu und lasst euch durch blöde Bemerkungen oder was auch immer nicht ins Abseits Manövrieren. Kopf hoch, denn alles kommt gut und für euch ist es eine echte Befreiung. Osterbock aus der Schweiz
1
Cda4633be4a2cf7d6d6d-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
she have a goood time lesbien.
8119
PREMIUM Member
me , a man who likes to please a women and eager to learn more. But, what is wrong with the author?
6 1
1535
PREMIUM Member
I Love watching 2 beautiful Women Scissoring !!!! Drives me Wild !!
5757
PREMIUM Member
Women Too
I do most/all of what's in this article. But I find that 'most' women I've been with either have no clue what to do with/for men or just don't care enough to reciprocate. Very often, making love for me ends up being 1-directional. From me to her. Women seem to think the fact men reach orgasm each time means they are satisfied with the experience. Far from the truth.
7
3886
PREMIUM Member
I totally agree with you on that. I be had women tell me that I am a male lesbian because I knew exactly what to do and the sad thing is not one of the women I’ve been with didn’t have a clue about what a man wants to feel during foreplay. The orgasm is great but that’s not all we need.
824c4effe5cf6a0571fe-avatar-image-100x
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
Right. Only a few have thoughts about reciprocity.
1
66649e2069a9f54fe040-avatar-image-100x
Streaming Only
Les préliminaires souvent survolés
Thirties who are bodybuilders and who have only one tail instead of the brain, take the time to read these tips or do not hesitate to read up on female sexual psychology, you will have everything to gain, but you have to like read. And above all, meditate on this adage "With maturity comes the taste of pleasure" And also do not forget to give before thinking of receiving! And Me ………., It is not devirilizing to think that even a man can be as sensual as a woman.
Les trentenaires qui sont bodybuildés et qui n'ont qu'une queue à la place du cerveau, prenez le temps de lire ces conseils ou n'hésitez pas à vous documenter sur la psychologie sexuelle féminine vous aurez tout a y gagner, mais il faut aimer lire. Et surtout méditez cet adage " Avec la maturité vient le goût du plaisir " Et aussi n'oubliez pas de donner avant de penser à recevoir! Et Me………., il n'est pas dévirilisant de penser que même un homme peut se montrer aussi sensuel qu'une femme .
1
7208478887be6a06e204-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
Quirinus, Completely agree with You!
Quirinus, Suis tout à fait d'accord avec Vous !
4039
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
Great list! I am by no means an author, sex-ed journalist, or sexpert. Keeping that in mind, I'm very surprised that the concept of 'creating desire' was not on your list. In my own experience creating desire in the mind of my girlfriend has been the key to success in 90% of the cases where I wanted to express my desire. So how does one 'create desire'. I learned along the way to pause before answering a question, saying respectfully what I want in a reasonable way, and being playful with sex-talk all day long. There are dozens of methods to add to the desired effect (literally) that can last all day. The brain is the largest ero-zone, it seems like this list could be rounded out with another 5 tips about that topic.
1 1
8963
PREMIUM Member
Reread item #3. That's what's wrong with most men they need shit spelled the fuk out. All that shit your writing about the brain, anyone with half of one would know item #3 explains that dumb ass "FUCKING starts in the MORNING." Everything from the kiss on the forehead is the activation of the brains and all the chic flick shit you see in the movies women watch, obviously, you are too much of a caveman to take the time to watch a chick flick. THAT is your first problem; lazy, selfish men who don't give a fuck to invest the time needed for real intimate relationships with women
2 5
5453
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
Sex ed is great. And sex ed from a lesbian on pleasing women SHOULD be the best, but this is NOT
The tone was all off. Educate us, dont harangue us. And also, and I say this from the painful experience that has driven me to subscribe to this site, pleasing a woman in bed, and making her having multiple orgasms does not necessarily lead to nirvana. IN my own experience, too many woman want the big orgasms, the g-spot orgasms, the squirting, the cunnilingus, and then they want to go to sleep. A lot of people are selfish in bed, and it is not just and not always men. By all means keep telling us how to improve - I always want to learn - but the author needs to have a more balanced grip on what really happens in couples around sex. All too often, women don't want to give anything, regardless of what they receive.
11
3083
PREMIUM Member
I agree with this lifetime member about the time of the article. It’s degrading and not that funny. Educate us, don’t belittle us.
8
A1f4f59bacfda51bf4dd-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
Yes. Most women are just like you said! Only care for your own enjoyment without considering others!
是的。大多数女性就像你说的那样! 只顾自己享受而不考虑他人!
3
4293
PREMIUM Member
Not informative
The tone you took makes it seems as though you are pissed off at men for knowing nothing. I have done and still do a lot of what you have said, I also learned most of it from better written articles. Sadly though most of what you mention does not work for all women. Some women no matter what just do not care about sex. My wife is one and no matter what I do or how adventurous I can be she will only open her legs in bed and that is it. Very BORING. So many times I have brought this up but most women get emotional when told that their bed skills just suck. But next time, try to tone it down on the cursing as it makes it sound as if you are angry.
6
7208478887be6a06e204-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
I agree with you! While my ex-girlfriend reproached me for lacking an idea, Once I got a little too enterprising, she called me obsessed! I agree with you ! While my ex-girlfriend blamed me for running out of ideas, Once I got a little too enterprising, she called me obsessed!
I agree with you ! While my ex-girlfriend reproached me for lacking an idea, Once I got a little too enterprising, she called me obsessed! Je suis d'accord avec vous ! Alors que mon ex- petite amie me reprochait de manquer d'idee, Une fois que je devenais un peu trop entreprenant, elle me traitait d'obsédé !
1
824c4effe5cf6a0571fe-avatar-image-100x
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
Indeed
5453
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
well said. I agree with you.
3083
PREMIUM Member
Yep
1983
PREMIUM Member
Nice article, learnt a thing or two
1 2
8075
PREMIUM Member
Informative
No, not your piece. It was spot on and the playful tone was perfect. The truly informative part is the posts. I have a feeling a few people didn't read your introduction and they really ARE the ones who need to read this the most. It's ok for men to bitch, complain, or mansplain, but not for them to listen to a woman do something similar, but with the intention of helping all of us. Thank you Mika Mae Jones for exposing, by the responses, just how clueless so many people are. bisous
2 4
4105
PREMIUM Member
'10 Tips'
Really crude and aggressive, contradicting and detracting from what may well include some good and sensitive advice.
4
5453
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
well said. I agree with you.
3d4f9eba9648df5b9580-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
guys can be jerks
Thanks for some helpful advice.
1 2
16b17d638804c6527bc5-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
At takes one to know one.
Of course we need woman to tip us about how to please one. Some times i wonder why women even bother about a gender that sexually underdeveloped and haven't gone lesbian each and every one. But thank God they haven't. Thanks for usefull sensible advise. Some we will have figured out already if we are the least bit sensible and caring.
1
9293
PREMIUM Member
Lesbian
Ok, “lesbian”, listen up, I’m tired of hearing all my buddies complain about getting sex lectures from angry women.
3
5453
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
well said. I agree with you.
4972
PREMIUM Member
Great article
This was a great peice. Me and my wife of 25 years had a good old giggle at its points. I also learned a thing or two. More like this please.
1 1
9750
PREMIUM Member
10 tips, spot on
I found this to be quite informative and also funny. Took no offense to the tone which established a sense of truthful urgency. I'm off to begin seducing my wife now, well in advance of the next sexual interlude!
1 1
427
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
10 Angry Tips
Though the information is accurate as far as consideration for your partner, the angry demeaning tone really wasn't necessary. The obnoxious opening paragraph basically set the stage for the angry lesbian to tell all the men how stupid we are. I would consider a rewrite... The eclectic illustrations were great though!
4
91a3eb293623178a9814-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
Hi djf, I know a tone like this can annoy some people, but I think it was meant to be playful and "come on guys, pay attention". I think a lot of men are a bit 'stupid' when it comes to sex, or at least selfish. Women complain all the time about this, so many men are not doing it right. Which kinda justifies the tone of this piece. I took it as tongue-in-cheek mostly. And I agree with you about the illustrations, they were great – dark and erotic.
3 1
1865
PREMIUM Member
10 tips
interesting input but the way it was written kinda destroyed the otherwise aesthetic and careful buildup of the site.
2
2226
PREMIUM Member
Art
Artwork is very nice. Information is bang on.
1
1758
PREMIUM Member
Ten things
Even though the information in the article was all correct I did't enjoy reading it. I thought the tone was all wrong. The writer could have done a better job by using a different choice of words. Think of the audience....
5
5453
LIFETIME PREMIUM Member
well said. I agree with you.
91a3eb293623178a9814-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
Hey kbailey, as a guy I was not put off by the tone. But obviously it's subjective. I think a lot of guys need a more 'aggressive' pull-your-socks-up kinda message to spur them into positive action, to change ineffective or selfish habits. Many women just put up with average, or worse, sexual partners. But I want to be one of those guys the girl is boasting about, not complaining about. Sometimes we all need this kind of 'wake up' message.
3 2
3092
PREMIUM Member
videos
Sex Ed is very interesting and helpful indeed! especially the 10 tips from a lesbian, thank you! What a pitty that videos in this rubrique are not downloadable. Could you make this working? Thanks a lot and please go on with your Sex ED section!
2
1859
PREMIUM Member
Sex Ed
I love your new Sex Ed section. Very informative. Keep this going !! You can never know enough about sex.
1
60
PREMIUM Member
Ten Tips
Like the author of this article, I am surprised that so many people - men and women alike - don't know these things.
2 1
C276ab67340b1c07b788-avatar-image-100x
PREMIUM Member
I was thinking about this while reading the article as well. I was reflecting on my conservative upbringing and the negative attitude towards sexuality in my community and realized that it definitely affected my sexual propensity to give pleasure "properly." For some I bet it is really obvious but I for one had to learn the hard way. I'm glad to have come so far.
4
8177
PREMIUM Member
spelling
poor wine!

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